Why is it that I find myself on pause in this life of mine? Do you ever feel that way too?
I was reading my morning devotional; it spoke about hitting the snooze button on your life. That really hit me to the core, because that is exactly what I am doing with this life of mine. I am constantly asking myself, “Why are we in this situation again? Why can’t we seem to get out from under this rock? Why are things not falling into place? Why am I not moving forward? Why? Why? Why?”
These are the questions that are constantly running through my head and I realized that I will never get an answer or come to a solution because I am always hitting the snooze button. Always place them on hold and focusing on minute things. Now, some may just call this procrastination which, to a certain extent I would agree. But… It is my sense of failure, the fear of the unknown.
God has been grooming me for times like these and yet I still feel inadequate or fearful of what may or may not be. On the outside, I might look like I have everything in order. That my life is great, which it is, but like I tell people all the time look beyond the cover. I look and shine the way I do because God has me covered! It is only by His grace that I can walk and talk without breaking down every time. If you peel back these layers, read beyond the cover, you will see or start to know a young woman who is battling depression, short-tempered with her kids, puts herself down all the time, doesn’t feel beautiful or even enough for her husband, and have love, but lack love in her marriage.
The pause button that I have firmly placed my finger on, is holding me back from everything that God has placed on my heart. I’ve concluded that I have been saying to myself, once this gets right or I have the right people in my corner, or just plain waiting for way too long have been going on long enough. I am delaying my own blessings over my life. I’ve let my pause button (depression, fear, loneliness, etc.) take over my life, and it's hindering me in all aspects.
Most people reading this will say that this is almost every woman that they know. True. But how many women do you know will claim this as their truth? Tell a stranger, at that, that this is their reality? I am only strong enough to say this because I am behind my computer with no one to see. I am strong enough because I have finally said enough is enough. It is time to take my life back and be what God and called me to be!
So slowly, over the course of this year, my goal is to peel back these layers. One by one and be the young, amazing, beautiful, talented, and lovable woman that I truly am, deep down inside.
Follow me as I embark on this life-changing journey! 2021 here we come!